Who carries your flashlight?
It is a serious question.
When you are feeling lost and in the dark, who do you want beside you, helping you carry your flashlight? Hopefully at least one other person popped into your head. But if it didn’t, my goal for you is to think of at least one by the end of this post.
Many women suffer from the delusion that struggling in silence is noble and necessary. But honestly, what good does this serve? Sister- you can’t carry the whole world on your shoulders every day, all the time. Go back and reread that last sentence. You CAN NOT do it all alone. I know there are times when that feels like the only option, but from my experience that mindset only serves to send one deeper into the spirals of depression and anxiety-which makes the self care journey an infinitely more steep climb. It is not easy by any means to ask for help. At least for me, and I suspect you if you are looking for ways on how to take care of yourself. This task becomes more difficult when dealing with a stigma that surrounds mental health. How do you disengage with the Wonder Woman mindset – that is, the idea that you need to do it all, for everyone all the time, without ever once complaining- and admit that you need help without seeming incapable or weak? I don’t by any means have all the answers to these questions. What works best for me is trusting the people who have become part of my safety net. What works for me is knowing that there is a running list in my head of people I can call to help me recharge my batteries, carry the flashlight and act as a guiding hand in the dark.
It is immensely terrifying to be wrapped in a loop of depression and anxiety. I know that the ways these diseases manifest are different from person to person, but imagine for a second- You are swimming. You have always been a great swimmer or at least a competent one. The weather doesn’t even change in a perceptible way and all the sudden you are sinking. A quick assessment clarifies that you don’t have a cramp, there is no storm, but you have clearly forgotten how to swim. You are fighting, and failing to keep your head above water. You are confused as to why this is happening but have no intention of drowning so you keep trying to tread water. You hear a boat and are sucked under by the undertow. Now you are trying to swim back to the top, back to where someone can reach you, but no one knows you are even under the water. You fight to breathe and think maybe it would be easier to go to sleep.
Now try taking yourself back out of that situation. Slow your breathing. Return your heartbeat to a functioning level. You have just had what may have been your first taste of anxiety. For me, having had no idea what that feeling of panic was the first time I experienced it, frankly knocked me flat on my ass. If you are still living the experience of anxiety, I get it. Sometimes getting out of bed and brushing your hair and even eating are all simply too much. BUT…But, I need you to remember something. Or at least start hearing the words and internalizing them at your own pace. Any step, small or big, is STILL a step. If talking to the people you trust is too big of a step- and I’ve been there so I know how momentous it feels- maybe start by sharing this graphic. Maybe start by aiming to share with one person you know will be a flashlight carrier for you.
I found this picture a long time ago when I really needed to see it. While I’ve never been in a place where I was considering suicide, this still made so much sense to me. “Give me a stick. I’m not dying out here.” That is powerful motivation for me. I hope if you need to see this, it finds you. I have since realized that by asking for my own “stick” I am advocating for my needs and self-care. I have so many people willing to be my flashlight carriers. If I am to be in a constant growth mindset, I just have to be able to let each of them into my darkness. I don’t necessarily need someone carrying my flashlight, but I am certainly willing to borrow the light of trusted friends as needed. A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. So it is true that we lose nothing by supporting each other. As Glennon Doyle states, We Belong to Each Other. Take care of you. Take care of each other.
So, who has come to mind as your light in the darkness? Your best friend? Sister? Husband? Wife? Mom?
If you are still struggling finding the first person, please send me a message here. You are not alone.
Until Next Week ~AG
Own Your Oxygen 